"If you love me, you will obey what I command."

Our Lord never insists upon obedience; He tells us very emphatically what we ought to do, but He never takes means to make us do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit. That is why whenever Our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an IF - you do not need to unless you like. "If any man will be My disciple, let him deny himself," let him give up his right to himself to Me. Our Lord is not talking of eternal positions, but of being of value to Himself in this order of things. Never interpret these words apart from the One Who uttered them.

The Lord does not give me rules, He makes His standard very clear, and if my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without any hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone or something else in competition with Him. My personal life may be crowded with small petty incidents, altogether unnoticeable and mean; but if I obey Jesus Christ in the haphazard circumstances, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God, and when I stand face to face with God I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When once God's Redemption comes to the point of obedience in a human soul, it always creates. If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because behind the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God.

-Oswald Chambers

It feels like a brand new day; open your eyes.

Two Hands by Jars of Clay

I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I'm a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we
can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all
the chains from our hearts
We'll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and
you know it's coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

I've been living out of sanity; I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines

The other day a friend told me, "everything really is black and white, sometimes you just live so close to the line or fade too close to the otherside that you can’t tell the difference”. Although I'm not sure this statement is 100% true, it's way closer to the truth than I give it credit for being. How often is that "gray area" just our mode of justification? For me, wayyy too often. I like to believe there is an enormous gray area full of other people's opinions and feelings, my own lack of realism, happiness and acceptance. In all reality, God asks us to glorify Him, plain and simple. If it's not glorifying Him, I need to stop wasting my time doing it.

1 John 2:3- - “We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him.”

1 John 2:15-17 - “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world.”

I use one hand to pull you closer; the other to push you away

I've been made new. I no longer belong to this world and yet I constantly find myself giving in to temptation and sin. How much stronger would my relationship with God be if I was not living such a bold, blunt, ugly contradiction? I pray that God continues to make me like fresh water, like white snow, like a fruit bearing tree. That He keeps challenging me to become one strong force moving toward Him, eyes and arms open.

James 3:9-12 - "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation of our souls

The end of this song really hits the core of my heart. It doesn't always feel good to dig, to cut things away, to lose control. Giving in, starting over, waking up - so hard. It goes against everything I know. Everything I've ever learned I need to continuously dig up, sort through, test with scripture. Sometimes it hurts, often times I fight it, but always, every time, it's worth it. And each time my eyes open and I take that step closer to my wonderful, fulfilling, living God, I feel alive and amazing once again, and I remember just how freeing a life with Him is.

Rescued Yet Unmoved

I'm participating in Riverview's LT program this summer and we were given the following article. It really challenged me. I would suggest checking it out.

Who Cares? By General William Booth

Overflowing with His love.

My new favorite word is overwhelming.

And it describes everything about my world right now.

The people around me, the God inside of me, the conversations, experiences, and incredible change I've been through over the past couple of months can be described in no other way than overwhelming. And it is absolutely, incredibly beautiful. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Over the past 2 months I've felt completely stuffed full and overflowing with pain, confusion, frustration, anger, sorrow, trust, excitement, love, blessings, hope, knowledge, feeling, passion. I am ALIVE. And this is when life is good.

I'm not a big fan of the Old English or King James lingo, but the same words keep running through my head, and they seem rather applicable: "My cup runneth over." What exactly is it overflowing with? Grace, hope, community, countless blessings, trust, peace, love. I could go on and on. I am so in love with Him and I am so unexplainably grateful for where He has brought me today.

Change.

A recent combination of some crazy, insightful conversations and a bunch of life situations popping up here and there has my mind feeling like it was just hit by a tornado. This weekend, between conversations with my mom and Steph about Eastpointe and friends and life in general I moved back and forth between the emotions of anger, frustration, inspiration, and just complete sorrow. It’s hard to know what to really take from it. It has left me feeling pretty darn overwhelmed. Here, I’m going to attempt to break it down a bit. I apologize for it being scattered, long, and quite possibly difficult to read.

1. The world is far from perfect.

Being home in Eastpointe always makes me think. I see my old classmates, teammates, and friends who were at one point smart, talented, driven, beautiful, passionate. And where are they today? The same exact place they were in high school, minus any motivation, hope, or drive. They’re now pregnant, potheads, unemployed, uneducated, in the court system, in the hospital, living at home. What happens to them? How can I help but think we, society, have somehow failed them? These aren’t the kids who had nothing, who cared about nothing, who were unintelligent or ignorant or just plain bad. They were my co-captains of track, they were the basketball or volleyball all-stars, honor roll students and scholarship awardees. They were the ones who helped me study for my AP exams and encouraged me to get where I am. And now, my heart breaks for them. Because they seem so far gone that the gravity of their environment just keeps pulling them further and further down. Any glimpse of hope they have, any little step they take to get themselves back out of the lives they now lead seems to get squashed and then begins the downward spiral once again.

I’m in this mode right now where I feel like my eyes have been opened. I’m not as naïve as I once was. And although I continue to see the wonderful, amazing things and people of this world, I am also now seeing some of the fundamental flaws of how our society works. This weekend I heard the following quote. Think about it for a second.

If all the insects were to disappear from the earth, within 50 years all life on earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the earth, within 50 years all forms of life would flourish. (Jonas Salk)

That's not how it's supposed to be. What happened to us taking care of the world? What happened to being good stewards of the gifts we have received? It just seems like there's so much we can do, so much we need to do.

2. We cannot accept life how it is. We need to create change.

And we can. It sounds huge. But really, it’s not that bad. One of my favorite quotes describes just how I think we can do this:

“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” (Gil Bailie)

We have to look into ourselves, into our world and figure out what really gets us going. Ask yourself what is wrong with the world. Ask yourself what you really want to see different. It’s changeable, you know? It really is.

At the LeaderShape Conference one of our core objectives was to make a list of our passions, and for every passion, we created a vision. This vision was a dream of what you would want to create for the future. Below is a short summary of my thoughts.

Passions:
1. Youth seeing and reaching their full potential.
2. Travelling: challenging yourself, your life, and your perspectives.
3. The opportunity for a second chance, a changed life.

Correlating Visions:
1. I want to see a future in which high school students always have someone to turn to.
2. I want to see a future in which every high school student lives/volunteers abroad for 2-3 months during one of their high school summers.
3. I want to see a future in which any first time offender/criminal/etc has the opportunity to really see who they can be and what they can really achieve and the resources available to turn their life around.

We went on and chose one of these visions to carry out into actual goal setting, networking and possible project or program creation and I chose the first. I’m in the process of contacting existing peer-to-peer programs, hoping to learn about the implementation of different types and possibly working to apply this research in the future.

What are your passions? Why not dream big?

3. I need to love those around me.

A simple smile goes a long way. But even more than that, an encouraging word. An act of kindness. A beneficial talk. A valuable friendship. A joyful life.

If we are to change the world, we have to start small. Start close. As I was attempting to think through the incredible mess in my mind, a friend reminded me: If I let the negatives overwhelm me, it’s going to be harder to see the positives. And this will become a burden, a barrier preventing me from not only changing the world, but changing a world. If I can change just one person’s world, I have already begun to change the world as a whole.

My challenge to you is this: choose 5 people whose lives you are going to change. Through prayer, a smile, an act of encouragement, or a lifelong relationship. Let's begin to change the world.

I was LeaderShaped.

This past week was one of those amazing weeks in one's life. One of those weeks where you witness something incredible and unexpected. When you are able to step outside of your everyday world and learn something new, develop invaluable relationships, and challenge yourself to grow in a way which is beyond anything you would be able to do on your own.

This past week I spent every waking hour with an incredible group of diverse Spartan leaders at the Kellogg Biological Station on Gull Lake. The leadership conference is called LeaderShape and with the help of some amazing facilitators we grew into a family while learning about and practicing leadership skills. There is no way I could explain everything I learned throughout the week in this blog, but here I wanted to share some of my highlights. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to go more in depth on a couple of them when I have a bit more time.


A few things I picked up:
1. It is possible to create a passionate, vulnerable, diverse environment which fosters growth, loyalty and genuine love. I want this to be a part of my everyday world.
2. Sweet analogy: When a bird is on the ground, it's wings fold over it's body in order to protect it's heart, the most delicate and valuable part of the body. However, in order to fly, to do exactly what it was meant to do, it's wings must open and make vulnerable the heart of the bird. We must do the same.
3. "For those who don't hear the music, the dancers must seem crazy." (Old African proverb) We need to do our best to help others hear the same music as we do.
4. The day you stop questioning yourself is the day you stop growing.


And I want to leave you with the lyrics to this amazing song that was played on our last day...

The Call by Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Beauty

It's been a while. A bit too long since I've had that yearning, that insatiable desire to write. I'm not exactly sure why. Busyness? Boredom? Lack of inspiration? Life's been okay. No, it's been good. But it feels as though I've lacked that excitement, that passion, that something special.

It came today, in the form of an amazingly strong, beautiful thunderstorm. I sat outside this afternoon, on my balcony, overlooking some pretty cool marshland and a stable in the distance. And as I sat out there, the storm began. It down-poured, the wind whipped around the building, the lightning flashed and the thunder sounded all around. And it was one of the most pure, untouchable beauties I've seen in a long time.

The storm cleared up after a good half an hour, the sky lightened, and the birds came out creating the perfect backdrop for a bit of relaxation.

It's once again storming, and I'm not sure it's ever going to get old. So simple, so powerful, so perfect. And I love every single second of it.

As I dig deeper into the Old Testament, and even the New at times, I get to know who God really is. I love this. But sometimes, I really hate it...

This article really hits home: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/community/blogs/The-Betty-Crocker-Bible.html

I want one.

Yesterday Jon and I decided to have a little coffee date to change things up a bit. We walked over to Tim Horton's and as we walked in one of the two men walking out stopped us. He reached out his hand toward the Bible Jon had in his and said something along the lines of "Hey, I've read that. Good book." Jon and I smiled and the man left us with, "You'll learn a lot from that book. Have fun!".

It was really cool. And incredibly encouraging!

His comments gave me the desire to encourage other Christians in similar situations. Try saying something nice next time you see a Bible out at a coffee shop or a few people praying before a quick meal. It might just make their day. =]

Off to See the Wizard

Since my trip to Guatemala over a month ago I've been dying to find a new, motivating Christian book to push my thoughts and challenge my life. It took me until the third chapter of "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge to really get into this one. The book is centered around the promise that Jesus makes in John 10:10, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." His book outlines what we need to see, learn, and work on in order to really live as close to Jesus wanted us to as possible.

John Eldredge relates us to the Tin Man of the Wizard of Oz in chapter 3 of his book and I thought it was a pretty amazing metaphor. I guess the movie didn't tell the whole story. In the original fairy tale...

The Tin Man had once been a real man who had been in love with a beautiful maiden. It was his dream to marry her once he had the money to buy a cottage in the woods. The Wicked Witch hated his love and she cast spells upon the man that caused him injury, so that one by one his limbs needed to be replaced with artificial ones, made of tin. At first it seemed an advantage, for his metal frame allowed him to work nearly as powerfully as a machine. With a heart of love and arms that never tired, he seemed sure to win.

"I thought I had beaten the Wicked Witch then, and I worked harder than ever; but I little knew how cruel my enemy could be. She...made my axe slip again, so that it cut right through my body, splitting it into two halves. Once more the tinner came to my help and made me a body of tin...I could move around as well as ever. But alas! I now had no heart, so that I lost all my love for the girl, and did not care whether I married her or not...

"My body shone so brightly in the sun that I felt very proud of it and it did not matter now if my axe slipped, for it could not cut me...However, there came a day when...being caught in a rainstorm, before I had thought of the danger of my joints had rusted, and I was left to stand in the woods until you came to help me."

Notice, there was a man who was once real and alive and in love. But after a series of blows, his humanity was reduced to efficiency. He became a sort of machine-a hollow man. At first, he did not even notice, for his condition made him an excellent woodman, as any person can become productive like a machine when he forgoes his heart...

We, too, have suffered a series of blows over time. And we, too, have seized upon efficiency, busyness, and productivity as the life we will live instead. Now we are lost. Dazed.

At girls group this morning we touched on this subject pretty heavily. We have become numb to so much going on around us: divorce, infidelity, death, murder, war, vulgarity, mistreatment of women, etc. The list could really go on and on.

Last week a good friend from SpringHill came up and hung out with Sarah and I. She's a nursing student and interning in the Neonatal Unit of a hospital where she lives. She was telling us about this baby who was born with its intestines outside of its body and how interesting it was as a medical case. She expressed her concern about becoming numb and desensitized to sad things like this or even worse, just being around it everyday. But it happens to all of us.

Our outer-shell becomes hard. We trade out our humanity, like the Tin Man, for protection against hurt, pain and suffering. And this makes it easier, at first. Until that efficiency and productivity ceases to satisfy you. And you realize that you no longer have a heart.

Soon after the Tin Man metaphor, John Eldredge asks us to make a list of things that we love. Things that set our hearts on fire, wake us up, keep us alive.

Here is mine (in no particular order):
Family, waterfalls, Jon, helping others, Spanish, snow, Christmas, deep conversations, water-sports, mom, community, Jesus, kids, sharing, football, learning, dogs, challenge, dad, traveling, hugs, card games, cousins, volunteering, Danielle, nature, fall leaves, fruit, energy, food, music, flowers, Steph and Chewy, Latin America, chocolate, sports, tears, babies

I challenge you to do the same. =]

And as I meditate on that list, I become closer and closer to God, my Wizard, who will continue to renew and awaken my heart as I continue to seek Him.

Absolutely.

Tonight at Riverview Noel spoke about the Old Testament and our tendency to ignore this huge section of the Bible, or push it aside because it's too difficult, too different, too violent, etc. But he went on to explain how interrelated it is to the New Testament and Jesus and Christianity in general. Our God is, always will be and always has been. And in reading and studying the Old Testament we can learn more about our everlasting, absolute, never changing God.

Below are a few random lines from a new worship song we sang at Riverview tonight:

Forever and ever, your word stays the same
Forever and ever, we will sing your praise

Some day this world will fade away
And I'll be with you

You're all that remains

As we drove home from Riverview tonight and passed the leafless trees, the lifeless ground and the dead winter atmosphere, I saw these things in a new way, a refreshing way. Instead of impatiently wishing for a Spring awakening, I reflected on the song I just sang and the idea behind it all: my God is eternal, my God never changes. The not-so-eternal things I am surrounded by day in and day out, only serve as a reminder of how amazing my Lord is.

"I am the Lord, I do not change." (Malachi 3:6)

"Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal." (Isiah 26:4)

Here we go again!

YAY! It's blog time again. =]

I've come to the conclusion that journaling/blogging is one of those things that keeps me alive. When my words are written out in front of me I can then see them, sort them out, and expand on them. It forces me to think more deeply about certain things that catch my attention or tug at my heart instead of just letting them pass by without a second thought.

And right now, my goal is to be alive. I'm trying with everything I have not to get sucked back into the boring rhythm of packed schedules and repeating days. I want to live with an excitement for life, for learning, for relationships and new experiences. I'm hoping this is one step in that direction.

So here we go. Hold me accountable. Give me a little nudge when I haven't posted in a while. Talk to me about my posts, your thoughts, and your exciting revelations or experiences.