Two Hands by Jars of Clay
I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull you closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I have a broken disposition
I'm a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof
And if we just keep digging we
can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all
the chains from our hearts
We'll lose control
And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and
you know it's coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes
I've been living out of sanity; I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
The other day a friend told me, "everything really is black and white, sometimes you just live so close to the line or fade too close to the otherside that you can’t tell the difference”. Although I'm not sure this statement is 100% true, it's way closer to the truth than I give it credit for being. How often is that "gray area" just our mode of justification? For me, wayyy too often. I like to believe there is an enormous gray area full of other people's opinions and feelings, my own lack of realism, happiness and acceptance. In all reality, God asks us to glorify Him, plain and simple. If it's not glorifying Him, I need to stop wasting my time doing it.
1 John 2:3- - “We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him.”
1 John 2:15-17 - “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world.”
I use one hand to pull you closer; the other to push you away
I've been made new. I no longer belong to this world and yet I constantly find myself giving in to temptation and sin. How much stronger would my relationship with God be if I was not living such a bold, blunt, ugly contradiction? I pray that God continues to make me like fresh water, like white snow, like a fruit bearing tree. That He keeps challenging me to become one strong force moving toward Him, eyes and arms open.
James 3:9-12 - "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation of our souls
The end of this song really hits the core of my heart. It doesn't always feel good to dig, to cut things away, to lose control. Giving in, starting over, waking up - so hard. It goes against everything I know. Everything I've ever learned I need to continuously dig up, sort through, test with scripture. Sometimes it hurts, often times I fight it, but always, every time, it's worth it. And each time my eyes open and I take that step closer to my wonderful, fulfilling, living God, I feel alive and amazing once again, and I remember just how freeing a life with Him is.
